Hi everyone! I'm sorry I haven't been writing... life is insane. I was encouraged to write today because I got a letter in the mail from my mom. It was a super encouraging card talking about God's faithfulness and not to give up on my goals. "God is faithful even when we're not." 2 Timothy 2:13. The excitement from starting this really helped me get to a good start to being healthy. But the true test isn't in the "classroom" but in real life. My life is crazier than it's ever been. I'm a full time student, full time friend, full time daughter, full time fiance, full time worker, etc... I'm sure many of you can relate. I feel like I'm a full time everything... giving to everyone and everything except myself. I get a half an hour break to eat at work every night. I stayed at the coffee house so I can be there "just in case something goes wrong and they need me." So I ate a scone for dinner because it was fast and it looked good and I wanted it. Period. That's terrible. I need "self" time. So I decided from here on out I'm not eating at the coffee house anymore on my break. I'll run home fast and make myself something, or I'll run the sandwich place we have here and grab a healthy wrap.
I cope with my stress by eating. Why?! Why do I do that? Where do we learn that from? I ate like garbage all weekend and I felt like garbage on Monday morning when I had to wake up for class. I told my self "Self.......no more. You're eating healthy today!" So I did. :) I've been doing really well since the weekend. I've been eating a lot of hummus and veggie wraps...actually that's basically all I've been eating since Monday.
Please pray for me. I need the strength of God to get me through this trying year. I'm happier than I've ever been because God's love for me is changing my life and how I view everything. I've been a christian since I was a sophomore in high school, grew a lot deeper after my senior year, and even more in college, but I don't think I've ever encountered the deep and passionate love that Jesus has for me.
I heard a woman speak one time about a ministry she's a part of. Her ministry team goes out at night and starts friendships with prostitutes. She shared about one specific experience where she was able to share the love of Jesus to one of her friends. The woman asked her if she knew how much she mattered to God. The woman instantly broke down crying. Her father left when we she was little, her mom was addicted to drugs and was a prostitute, and eventually she got into that lifestyle as well. She hated men, she was deeply scarred by her father leaving and not knowing who she was. How could "GOD" love her? She never mattered to anyone. But the speaker just kept on telling her that she is valued. That if she was the only person on Earth, Jesus still would have came down, made himself man, and died for her so she could have life and be free. Needless to say, the Lord has changed her life and she's now a part of the ministry. How cool. :)
Do you know how much you mean to Christ?
I have many friends and family that I pray for continuously that they would understand the love that Jesus has for them. I knew in my life I felt "unforgivable" from the mistakes that I've made. Then when I was a "Christian" that's all I thought that I needed. You believe in God, get baptized when you're a baby, go to church sometimes, and then you go to heaven when you die if you do all of those things. The problem with my thinking was that no, it's actually not enough. I can never be "good enough" to "win" the love of God, to get into heaven. I realized that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to to get to heaven (or have freedom on this earth) by myself. Going to church isn't enough, Reading my Bible isn't enough, Praying all the time 24/7 isn't enough...nothing is enough. The only way that we can be free and experience "life" in this life and the next is because Jesus died on a cross, and rose again and overcame all sin, all wrong doings, all evil thoughts, gluttony, sexual sin...everything. When God the Father looks at me, He sees Jesus in front of me. In 1 John, we're told that Jesus is our advocate, our intercessor. Jesus was perfect, that's why he was the perfect person to die and rise and set us free. Then the love of God, the love that changes lives, will just be genuine and natural and we'll want to be like Jesus. "Good works" will just flow from our hearts.
Please please know that I do not think I'm perfect and I do not put myself on a pedestal. I am a person who struggles and struggles hard at some stuff...which is the whole reason I'm writing this blog. I just don't want anyone I know to not know about the love that God has for them. If you ever want to talk about this with me, I'd love to listen to your thoughts. If you need a Bible, I can send you one. :) I haven't mastered anything and I don't know all the answers. I just have accepted the love of God to change my life. He loves you s.o. much.
Please join me in this walk in Jesus' love and allowing Him to change you from the inside out.
I'm going to post a YouTube video...it's a scene from "The Passion of Christ" and it's graphic. I almost didn't post it, because it's... horrible. But. I'm going to because it's what Jesus did. Why should we try to cover it up what Jesus actually did for me? For you. It's what He did so we didn't have to. God never wants guilt, so please don't let this guilt you. He wants our best, he wants our love, he wants our lives to reflect His life because that is what's best for us. There's no benefit to pornography, drugs, unforgiveness, getting drunk, gluttony, gossip....all of those "sins." I wish the video showed the part of the movie where Jesus is risen. Yes, he died a brutal death for us. But he also raised again so we can be free from the stuff that is ugly about us. Let God whisper his love into your heart. Let that love change your life. I'm telling you, it's so incredibly worth it.
Be blessed. I love you. He loves you more.